DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN WAY OF THINKING...! !!!

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN WAY OF THINKING...! !!!

At the college, male & female students were told to individually write a
sentence using the words 'sex' and 'love.'

Females wrote : When two mature people are passionately and deeply in
love with one another to a high degree and that they respect each other
very much, then, it is spiritually and morally acceptable to the society
that they both engage themselves in the act of physical sex with one
another.

Men wrote : 'I love sex.'

(AFTER READING THIS DO U THINK THAT WOMEN ARE SO COMPLICATED. .) 

Bachelors Degree in Corruption

Bachelors Degree in Corruption
-------------------------------
National Corruption Institute Of India ( NCII) 

Affiliated To Both Houses Of Indian Parliament 

Listed on the World Corruption Index as the World's Best C-School
Invites Applications for 3 Years Undergraduate Bachelors Degree in 
Corruption. (BDC) 

Earn your BDC from the World's Most Reputed Institute for Corruption 
Studies 

OUR COMPREHENSIVE SYLLABUS INCLUDES: 

Financial Theory and Practice 
-------------------------------
Transfer of funds through HAWAALA for creation of MASS GHOTALA 
FINANCIAL NETWORKING -Movement of money through well engineered networks 
between State Party Units and Central Party Unit. 
Solicitation methods to increase donations towards Party Fund. 
Theory and application of Popular BRIBE concepts and methods like Chai 
Pani, Parcel, Change, Mithai Box, Gift Box , Color TV, Foreign Trip and the 
ever popular Children's School Fees 

Public Relations (PR) and Media Management 
--------------------------------------------
Learn how to be MISQUOTED BY THE MEDIA. 
Learn to say the right things to be QUOTED OUT OF CONTEXT. 
Excellent training in PARTY SPOKESMANOLOGY .Learn how to argue on TV with 
other Party people on TV like Professor Manish Tewari and Professor Ravi 
Shankar Prasad. 
Develop public gestures like NAMASTE and HAND WAVING. 
Learn the art of proving all allegations as “BASELESS AND POLITICALLY 
MOTIVATED” 
Effectively refute STING OPERATIONS. Advanced course in proving that VIDEO 
FOOTAGE IS FALSE AND MANIPULATED. 

Law and Order Module: 
----------------------
In this module you will learn how to: 

Commit MURDER and RAPE 

Bring LOCAL POLICE under your control 

Get BAIL super fast if you are ever arrested. 

Apply and get speedy ANTICIPATORY BAIL so you don’t get arrested in the 
first place! 

FIGHT ELECTIONS FROM JAIL! Special lectures by visiting Professors 
Shahbuddin and Pappu Yadav! 

Advanced Riotology 
------------------
Methods to build your own storage houses for HOCKEY STICKS AND WEAPONS to 
engineer riots. 

Identify and develop your own fuel depots for easy and widespread dispersal 
of RIOT FRIENDLY PETROL TANKERS 

Form effective partnerships with local liquor stores for easy procurement 
of DESI DARU to get rioters high and ensure awesome rioting! 

Full study in CONTEMPORARY BUS BURNING. New age exciting methods for 
INSTANTANEOUS BUS COMBUSTION. 

Introductory Kashmir method of inciting riots through STONE THROWING. 

Actual rioting demonstrations under the expert tutelage of Professor Pravin 
Togadia. 

Gain Extensive Knowledge From Our Faculty Of World class Professors

Special Courses In: 
------------------
"2G SPECTRUM" “ A Telecommunications Perspective" By Professor Andimuthu 
Raja 
''Flat Taking From Army Jawan'' By Professor Ashok Chavan 
''The Correct Standard of Clean'' By Professor Lalit Bhanot 
''Sports Medal or No Medal, In Corruption Always Get Gold Medal'' By 
Professor Suresh Kalmadi 
"Application of Corruption on Non Human Species “ Stealing Money for 
Cattle Fodder" By Professor Laloo Prasad Yadav 
"Building A Corridor For The Taj Mahal Can Cost More Money Than Building 
The Taj Mahal Itself" By Professor Mayawati Kumari. 
...And Many Many More..!! 

SO FORGET ALL B-SCHOOLS, BE COOL, 
JOIN NCII THE C-SCHOOL IF U WANT TO SUCCEED IN NEXT GENERAL ELECTIONS 
-2012 

CRITERIA FOR CANDIDATES IS ......
----------------------------------
1. MUST HV SWINDLED AT LEAST RS.100/-CRORES 

2. MUST HV COMITTED ONE/TWO MURDERS & 2/3 RAPES 

3. AT LEAST 10 CRIMINAL CASES MUST BE PENDING IN VARIOUS COURTS IN INDIA 

4. MUST HV BEEN IN JAIL FOR ATLEAST SIX MONTHS WIHTOUT BAIL 

5. MUST HV ATLEAST ONE ACCOUNT IN SWISS BANK OR EQUIVALENT 

6.MUST HV CONTACTS AT THE RIGHT PLACES LIKE P.M's OFFICE etc.... 

JOIN NCII, IT IS THE BEST!!! 

JAI HIND. 

Punjabi ABC - Funny

This one's not just for Punjabis but for all those who have faced 'Punjlish'.
A is for Aiscreame

B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your butt. It is an
instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or
whatever.

C is for Cloney and its not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its
first name George. It is merely an area where people live e.g. 'Defence Cloney'.

D is for the proverbial 'Dangar da Puttar'

E is for Expanditure, the spending of money

F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like a bad word it is
actually just the front of a building (with backside being the back, of course). 

G is for Gaddi, and the way a Punjabi can pilot his gaddi puts any F1 driver to 
shame. (If the Grand Prix does come to Delhi there's no way Hamilton, Alonso or 
Kimi can overtake Balvinder, Jasvinder or Sukhvinder's taxi.)

H is for 'Ho Jayega Ji', and the moment you hear that you have to be careful 
because you can be reasonably sure it's not going to happen.

I is for Intzaar, and to know more about it see P..

J is for Jutt, which every Punjabi seems to be.

K is for Khanna, Khurana, etc, the Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses 
(e.g.'Keeping up with the Khuranas ji')

L is for Loin, the king of the jungle

M is for 'Mrooti', the car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in love 
with.

N is for 'No Problem Ji.' To find out how that works see H.

O is for Oye, which can be surprise (Oyye!), a greeting (Oyy!), anger (OYY!) or 
pain (Oy oy oy...).

P is for Punj Mint, and no matter how near (1 km) or far (100 km) a Punjabi is 
from you he always says he'll reach you in punj mint (5 minutes...).

Q is for Queue, a word completely untranslateable into Punjabi.

R is for Riks, and a Punjabi is always prepared to take one (risk), even if the 
odds are against him.

S is for Sweetie, Sunny, Simmi and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars in Delhi 
. (The other half by their Pappas - like 'Sweetie de Pappa di Gaddi')

T is for the official bird of Punjab : Tandoori Chickun.

U is for when you lose your sex appeal and become 'Uncul-ji'

V is for VIP phone numbers @ Rs 15 lakh and counting.

W is for Whan, as in 'Whan are you coming, ji?'

X is for the many X-rated words that flow freely in Punjabi conversations.

Y is for 'You nonsanse', when anger replaces vocabulary in a shouting match.

Z is for Zindgi which every Punjabi knows how to live to the fullest.

Maths

A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.

1. Teaching Math In 1970

A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price.
What is his profit?

2. Teaching Math In 1980

A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price, or £800.
What is his profit?

3. Teaching Math In 1990

His cost of production is £800.
Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Math In 2000

A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.
His cost of production is £800 and his profit is £200.
Your assignment: Underline the number 200.

5. Teaching Math In 2010

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is totally selfish and
inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the
preservation of our woodlands.
He does this so he can make a profit of £200. What do you think of this way
of making a living?
Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the

birds and squirre ls feel as the logger cut down their homes?

 
(There are no wrong answers. 

If you are upset about the plight of the
animals in question counselling will be available)

BRITISH GUJURATI COMPLAINTS

These are extracts from actual letters sent to Leicester Council and other
Housing associations written by Britain's Gujarati's:-

1. I want some repairs done to my wife's cooker as it has backfired and
burnt my knob off.

2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put
his foot in the hole in my back passage.

3. And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my
fence.

4. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof.
I think it was that bad wind the other night that blew them off.

5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path, my wife tripped and
fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant?

7. I request permission to remove and change my drawers in the kitchen. 50%
of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are
plain filthy.

8. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is
cleared.

9. Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny color and
not fit to drink.

10. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

11. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at
6:00 am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

12. The man next door has a large erection in the garden, which is unsightly
and dangerous.

13. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two small children and would like a
third so please send someone round to do something about it.

14. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do
something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

15. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my
wife.