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hello guys
this is Dhaval Here
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Saturday, December 24, 2011

Steve Jobs and his unforgettable speech must read

 In a commencement speech given at Stanford University in 2005, he spoke about his life, his career and his diagnosis with pancreatic cancer. His words, spoken six years ago, resonate strongly tonight.
'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says
This is a prepared text of the Commencement address delivered by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, on June 12, 2005.
I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.
The first story is about connecting the dots.
I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?
It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.
And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.
It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:
Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.
Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
My second story is about love and loss.
I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.
I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.
I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.
During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.
I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.
My third story is about death.
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.
I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.
This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.
Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Culture of self interest



 
Indians are Hobbesian Problematique!!

Corruption in India  is a cultural aspect. Idians seem to think
nothing peculiar about corruption . It is everywhere.

Indians tolerate corrupt individuals rather than correct them.

No race can be congenitally corrupt. But can a race be corrupted by its culture?

To know why Indians are corrupt , look at their patterns and practices .

First:

Religion is transactional in India . Indians give God cash and
anticipate an out-of-turn reward. Such a plea acknowledges that
favours are needed for the undeserving.

In the world outside the temple walls, such a transaction is named- “bribe”.

A wealthy Indian gives not cash to temples, but gold crowns and such baubles.

His gifts can not feed the poor. His pay-off is for God. He thinks it
will be wasted if it goes to a needy man.

In June 2009, The Hindu published a report of Karnataka minister G.
Janardhan Reddy gifting a crown of gold and diamonds worth Rs 45 crore
to Tirupati.

India’s temples collect so much that they don't know what to do with
it. Billions are gathering dust in temple vaults.

When Europeans came to India  they built schools.
When Indians go to Europe & USA, they build temples.

Indians believe that if God accepts money for his favours, then
nothing is wrong in doing the same thing This is why Indians are so
easily corruptible.

Indian culture accommodates such transactions morally. There is no
real stigma. An utterly corrupt Jaya Lalita can make a comeback, just
unthinkable in the West.

Second -

Indian moral ambiguity towards corruption is visible in its history.
Indian history tells of the capture of cities and kingdoms after
guards were paid off to open the gates, and commanders paid off to
surrender.

This is unique to India .

Indians' corrupt nature has meant limited warfare on the subcontinent.
It is striking how little Indians have actually fought compared to
ancient Greece and modern Europe .

The Turks’ battles with Nadir Shah were vicious and fought to the finish.

In India fighting wasn't needed, bribing was enough to see off armies.

Any invader willing to spend cash could brush aside India ’s kings, no
matter how many tens of thousands soldiers were  in their infantry.

Little resistance was given by the Indians at the “ Battle ” of
Plassey. Clive paid off Mir Jaffar and all of Bengal folded to an army
of 3,000.

There was always a financial exchange to taking Indian forts. Golconda
was captured in 1687 after the secret back door was left open.

Mughals vanquished Marathas and Rajputs with nothing but bribes.

The Raja of Srinagar gave up Dara Shikoh’s son Sulaiman to Aurangzeb
after receiving a bribe.

There are many cases where Indians participated
on a large scale in treason due to bribery.

Question is: Why Indians have a transactional culture while other
'civilized' nations don't?

Third -

Indians do not believe in the theory that they all can rise if each of
them behaves morally, because that is not the message of their faith.

Their caste system separates them. They don't believe that all men are
equal. This resulted in their division and migration to other
religions .

Many Hindus started their own faith like Sikh, Jain, Budhist and many
converted to Christianity and Islam.

The result is that Indians don't trust one another .

There are no Indians in India ,there are
Hindus ,Christians, Muslims and what not.

Indians forget that 400 years ago they all belonged to one faith.

This division evolved an unhealthy culture.
The inequality has resulted in a corrupt society,

In India every one is thus against everyone else,
except God ­ and even he must be bribed.

__._,_.___

Beaches colors and around the world

Beaches_colors_around_the_world.pps Download this file

Monday, November 28, 2011

Boldly Thinking Out Of The Box


 

Att00001

Yes you read it right, a whole amazing island built right on a beautiful yacht. Created by UK-based yacht design company Yacht Island Designs, bringing a whole island onto a yacht.

The design as you can see is inspired by tropical islands, with huts, a pool and to top of that, a whole volcano that is sure not to erupt. Since this is a yacht, it comes packed with special VIP rooms, arcades, gym, lounges, spas and even a helipad. The volcano adds a lot of beauty to the whole look of the yacht, it also happens to have water flowing out of it onto the pool creating this amazing river complementing the whole tropical look.

The back of the yacht has a retractable beach deck where structures float on the sea making the sea accessible to swim in and of course grant access to various water activities such as wake boarding and jet-skis. The whole concept is pure genius and the result looks even better.


Instead of a yacht on an island ~ this one's the other way around!

Friday, November 18, 2011

Love Good Guy verses Good Girl

Biggest problem in love :
Good Guy Gets Wrong Girl
Good Girl Gets Wrong Guy
They Fall In Love
&
Good Ones Get Cheated Now The Good Guy Thinks
All Girls Are Fraud
&
Good Girls Think
All Guys Are Flirts . . .
. When Good Guy Meets Good Girl
They Avoid Falling In Love
&
Become Just Good Friends 

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Can I Borrow $5?

A woman came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find her 7-year
old son waiting for her at the door.

SON: 'Mummy, may I ask you a question?'

MUM: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the woman.

SON: 'Mummy, how much do you make an hour?'

MUM: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the woman
said angrily.

SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'

MUM: 'If you must know, I make $20 an hour.'

SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.

SON: "Mummy, may I please borrow $5?"

The mother was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can
borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march
yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being
so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.'

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door..

The woman sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's
questions.. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the woman had calmed down, and started to think:

Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $5 and he
really didn't ask for money very often. The woman went to the door of the
little boy's room and opened the door.

'Are you asleep, son?' She asked.

'No Mummy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.

'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the woman.
'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $5
you asked for.'

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you Mummy!' he yelled.
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.

The woman saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his
mother.

'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the mother grumbled.

'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied.

'Mummy, I have $20 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home
early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'

The mother was crushed. She put her arms around her little son, and she
begged for his forgiveness.

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life.. We
should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time
with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember
to share that $20 worth of your time with someone you love.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily
replace us in a matter of hours. But the family & friends we leave behind
will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.
Please don't break this even if you only send it to one person.
Thanks

*

*

*And now*...today's life lesson:

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The Five Toughest Female Questions Are

What are you thinking about?
Do you love me?
Do I look fat?
Do you think she is prettier than me?
What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to
explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the
truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below,
along with possible responses.

Question  1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive,
dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring,
intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most
likely is one of the following:
a. Baseball.
b. Football.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you.
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once
told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking
to you!"

Al Rules!!

Question  2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in
order, "Yes, dear."

Inappropriate responses include:
a. I suppose so.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?

Question  3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would
spend the insurance money if you died.

Question  4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
d. Define pretty
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would
spend the insurance money if you died.

Question 5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a
Corvette.")
No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up
questions, usually along the these lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!

WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.

WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.

WOMAN: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
MAN: Yes, I would.

WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?

WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of
her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WOMAN: And would you let her drive my car?
MAN: No, she can't drive a 5-speed!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

How the Internet Came to Be . . . . .

How the Internet Came to Be . . . . .*

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com
did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a
comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often
called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from
town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy
tent?"

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of
a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between
to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling
you who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and
delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS).

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the
drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold
all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his
tent. To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were
saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was
known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a
language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy
horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich
Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the
deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going
to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off
every drum maker in the land. And indeed did insist on drums to be made that
would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by
others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came
to be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."*

And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said
Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid
(GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around
the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to
Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

That is how it all began. And that's the truth.


ASK A WOMAN HOW SHE FEELS AND SHE'LL OPEN HER HEART AND TELL YOU HER
FEARS *HOPES
AND DREAMS*
ASK A MAN WHAT HE FEELS AND HE'LL TELL YOU HE FEELS LIKE A *PIZZA*

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Zindagi

Kabhi Pehli Bar School Jane Me Darr Lagta Tha,

Aaj Har Rasta Khud Hi Chunte Hai.

Kabhi Maa Papa Ki Har Bat Sachi Lagti Thi,

Aaj Unhi Ko Harpal Juth Bolte Hai.

Pariyo Ki Kahani Jagah, Rat Ko Chat Karna Jyada Pasand Hai.

Pehle 1st Ane K Liye Pure Sal Padhte The,

Aaj Pass Hone Ko Tarste Hai.

Cartoon Nahi Aab Reality Shows Ache Lagte Hai.

Kabhi Choti Si Chot Kitna Rulati Thi,

Aaj Dil Tut Jata Hai Fir Bhi Sambhal Jate Hai.

Pehle Dost Bas Sath Khelne Tak Yaad Rehte The,

Aaj Kuch Dost Jaan Se Pyare Lagte Hai.

Ek Din Tension Ka Meaning Maa Se Puchna Pada Tha,

Aur Aaj Tension Soulmate Lagti Hai.

Ek Din Tha Jab Pal Me Ladna Pal Me Manana To Roz Ka Kam Tha,

Aaj Jo Ek Bar Juda Hue To Fir Rishte Tak Kho Jate Hai.

Sach Me "ZINDGI" Ne Bahut Kuch Sikha Diya. . . . .!!!

Monday, October 24, 2011

Really nice..must read

A Guy WAS chatting with a female (never met her directly) - Online chat.

(Background, both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real
big MNC's )

Hero: Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?

Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat

Hero: wow...am honored, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on
Chat

Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.

Hero: OK(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)

Manager: Hey, I need some help from you

Hero: [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me

Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number,
given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?

Hero: I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I
Give it by tomorrow evening.

Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]

(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to
Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)

Female: Hey, am back

Hero: cool, you know what my manager does, She's kinda..... keeps asking
stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work

Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!

Hero: Yep, u rite!!

Female: Hey, can u do me a favor

Hero: *smiles* sure, why not.

Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number;
given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's
real Urgent for me to work this out

Hero: hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from now.
ok?

Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW
WHO I AM!! AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Important Men in a women's life

The Seven Most Important The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life
 
1. The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes."
 
2. The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide."
 
3. The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?"
 
4. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?"
 
5. The Interior Designer - who assures her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!"
 
6. The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!"
 
7. The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and lie still!"

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Dubai

Dubai is the land of the biggest, tallest, longest, widest, richest, fanciest, fastest...everything is t... in the world. 

They have the tallest residential towers in the world, the tallest restaurant in the world, the largest number of Malbaris in the world, the highest crane operator in the world. 

If it does not grow in Dubai , they' ll make it artificially - artificial ski slopes, artificial islands, artificial oasis, coconut trees and lawns, artificial beaches, artificial economy. 

Indians especially love it here because of the dirham-to-rupee value. Pakistanis adore it.

The Egyptians come here because there is nothing to do in Egypt . No more pyramids to build either. 

The Filipinos come here because they have no choice; there's nothing back home, not even dogs - they've been eaten up. 

The Brits come here coz they have forgotten what it is to enjoy 3 meals a day in UK and nobody employs them there for the crap they give. . 

The Lebanese come here to buy cars, dress to kill, wear Peter Pan shoes 10 sizes bigger than their feet, put 1 kg of gel on their heads and give everyone ball talk. They'll buy a 1980s Merc or BMW for 10k dirhams and drive the car like they're sitting in the rear passenger seat, stretching their arms all the way to the steering wheel, giving you the piercing bald eagle look.

Russian girls come here for "fun".

The Bangladeshis come here to serve you when you honk outside a Baklava (shop), but would not even look at you if you park and go inside to pickup yourself. 

Now according to the government Dubai is Tax free. Of course, that is true. You only have to pay for the visa, medical, sponsor, insurance, resident ID, Opening a bank account or even closing an account, Municipality, Sewerage, attestation of papers, translation of papers, driving license papers, lessons, Car license, testing, and .... but the salary is Tax Free.

Only, there is a Pay and Park scheme with 5000 parking lots, and 500,000 cars in the city, so where the hell do you park? And you are fined for wrong parking. 

Toll has been introduced on many roads. You can avoid the toll tax by using alternative routes, but you'll end up in a traffic jam because everyone is trying to avoid the toll tax. 

If you have any government related work like medicals for visa or immigration, you have 2 options - Standard and Urgent Procedure. Standard takes 15 days and Urgent takes 2 days. The difference is 30 to 40-odd dirhams. Everyone goes for the urgent option and the Dubai government makes money, urgently. 

If you switch jobs you get a work ban and to lift the ban you pay a huge penalty. 

In Dubai , without a car you are paralyzed (you don't even get jobs if you don't have a car). But you 'll get your license in attempts ranging from 2 to 20. Each time you fail you have paid fees for Driving classes & Driving Tests, which are 1000-odd dirhams. Imagine the money RTA makes. 

Most of the expats live alone with families back home. So they spend much on phone calls. And call charges from Dubai are high. 

Another odd thing about Dubai - no matter where you go or who you meet, you take down phone numbers. Everybody has everybody's number in Dubai . And everyone has a Visiting Card, whether you are a bootlegger, a masseuse, a hooker, a car cleaner, a watchman or a pizza delivery boy. Everyone knocks around with lots of cards in his or her wallet and one card in the palm. So whenever you shake hands with anyone in Dubai and let go, you end up with a visiting card in your palm. 

If you're walking on the road and you ask someone the time, he'll tell you 10:30, give you his card and say, I have new and second-hand watches. 

At a restaurant when you are leaving they'll say Here is my card, call us for home delivery. 

If you're below your building, you'll meet those Chinese chicks giving you their cards, saying, Call us if you want DVDs. 

If you're standing at a bus stop, a 
Pakistani will pull over in his 1980 Toyota Corolla, give you his card and say, If you want Pick-up & Drop Service, call me. 

Dubai has amusing-looking buildings. Some have holes in them, some have giant balls on them, some look like aeroplanes, some look like sail boats, and, all of them reach into space with your window right in front of the moon. 

Everyone in Dubai goes to malls. Not necessarily to shop. To beat the heat, go to a mall; business meeting, go to a mall; getting bored, go to a mall; want to take a leak or dump, go to a mall; want to do lukhagiri (little in your pocket, little in your mind), go to a mall. 

If you want to go for a picnic go to a mall. 

Some Malbaris go home to Kerala, get married, and then come to a Dubai Mall for their honeymoon.

THAT...MY FRIENDS.....IS
DOO-BAI

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Bomb Blasts - Helpline of Home Ministry

tring tring. tring tring.

Welcome to the Bomb explosion helpline of Home Ministry, Government of
India.

Press 1 for latest bomb explosions.

Press 2 to hear Home Minister's pre-recorded reaction.

Press 3 to hear Prime Minister's pre-recorded claims to condemn it and
assurance to take strong action against culprits.

Press 4 to know whether anybody claimed responsibility for the explosion.

Press 5 to hear pre-recorded claim of Digvijay Singh blaming RSS/Hindu
organizations for the explosions.

Press 6 to know whether any terrorist has been arrested by mistake; please
be assured the Con-gress would give him 5-star treatment.

Press 7 to hear messages like terrorism has no religion.

Press 8  if you want Rahul Gandhi to visit the poor in villages.

Press 9 if your relative has died in the explosion to hear Gandhiji's bhajan.

If you were severely injured in the explosion and still alive, then press
your own neck for bringing in this corrupt and anti national
government to power.

Thank you for calling. May God bless and protect you during the remaining
term of this CON-gress government.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Mysterious Eyes

I looked two beautiful eyes,

Those talking eyes,

Unforgettable eyes,

Eyes were telling me something,

They had a mystery,

Which I couldn't solve ever,

I still thought about those,

but still I m confused,

What were they saying,

to me and what they

wanted from me,

but one thing I can never forget,

Those were the most

beautiful eyes

I ever seen..

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Softness of Love

As your lips are so soft and cute

And when they slide over mine

I feel the taste like honey to my soul

And they take me back to the past

And it remind me all the previous memories

The shadow of your embrace

Your love and affection for me

I have no words to express my past with you

Our everyday was so much lovely day

Since I met with you

I also sure you thinks about me

And I am on her mind

You are the happiness of my heart

And every time I want to try to resist you

But I realize that my love for you is so true

Men and Women

WHO'S WHO : If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will
call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and
John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy,
Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.


EATING OUT
: When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each
throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have
anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When
the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


MONEY : A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs. A woman will pay £1 for a
£2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.


BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving
cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a washcloth and towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man
would not be able to identify most of these items.


ARGUMENTS
: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says
after that is the beginning of a new argument.


FUTURE : A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man
never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


SUCCESS : A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


MARRIAGE : A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A
man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.


DRESSING UP : A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty
the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will
dress up for weddings and funerals.


NATURAL : Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow
deteriorate during the night.


OFFSPRING : Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows
about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods,
secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short
people living in the house.


THOUGHT FOR THE DAY 
: Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no
use in two people remembering the same thing.